Go girl, she doing it.

So I am about to go to a party...possibly two parties. And I notice that there is always a string of patterns that follows these little "get togethers. " Here I have compiled a list of "typical party happenings". Trust me, I've been to enough parties...that I could just look at a person at first glance and know they are on a mission to get fucked up. I however, do not usually get THAT indisposed...why? Because my asshole boss always seems to schedule me EVERY FREAKIN SUNDAY! Honestly, he is so lucky that I don't go to church cause I'm a buddhist.

Party Intro: This is what goes through your mind when you first step into the door of mayhem:
-You scope everyone out, and you if you're single...you try and find someone to your liking that you will potential make out/hook up with.

-You calculate in your head how long you're gonna be at the party. ("Hmmm I got here at 9pm, if I stay until 2 am... I would have been here for 5 hours. Good time to bounce")

-You start to check out the alcohol, so that you don't get stuck just drinking beer...and you conjure up as much free booze as your little underaged self can handle.

Mid-way into the Party/ Semi Fucked up
-You are dancing up a storm...with random strangers.
-You are thinking, what time did i say i was gonna stop drinking?
-You lost your group of friends.
-That hottie is checking you out, and you go for it.

End of the party/ right before the pigs bust in
-Make out
-throw up
-pass out
-party gets cut...fuck the police, fuck fuck fuck the police.


THE END
although this will probably NOT happen to me tonight, I am anticipating on how this will happen to about 75% of the people tonight. well i won't rule out everything. if there is a cutie, maybe there might just be a little make out sesh. BUT I DOUBT IT.

hope i dont get throw up on my shoes tonight.
-jenilla

I lie lie lie like you crazy

So I've rendered this in my head a million times and I've realized that I will probably always be single because my "kind of men" are not the easiest to come by.

Give me Brandon Boyd, the lead singer of Incubus... and his ambiguously good looks! What ethnicity is this fine ass fox? Well to be truthful, it sort of slipped my mind what ethnicities granted him his devilish good looks. See for yourself...

Then there's my second love, I remember when I first saw him bursting on the boob tube and then later into puberty...Shia Labeouf. Or more like Shia LaBeauty. People don't know but this adorable jew's name actually is a weird translation... Shia means "thank god" and Labeouf means "the beef" is some language. So ironically, this not so muscle man's name means "thank god for beef". More like....THANK GOD CAUSE SHIA YOU SO SEXY.

I know what you all must be thinking, this beezy doesn't like asian men? Well my next boo boo counts as half asian but nonetheless his hot piano playing hands and the fact that he's in one of my favorite bands is what makes Jesse from head automatica, my man automatically. when i met him 3 years ago...I died in his arms that night. I know, I'm totally dumb.

Finally, there is none other than BABEraham lincoln, Kirk Huffman from two bands...my favoritest band ever GATSBYS AMERICAN DREAM and then his insightful new project KAY KAY AND HIS WEATHERED UNDERGROUND. Kirk has the style sense of the hippest and most vinage rocker ever. He's basically the straight and modern version of my other boo elton john.

So there you go, maybe why these men are the reason I'm single! I will never be able to find a Brandon, a Shia, a Jesse, or a Kirk...esp around my age. But there is still hope that I will find men with those qualities. Yes, I said men. Boys are sooooo 3 years ago. It always creeps me out when I see the little subserviant boy dating the older and overbearing woman who practically has enough balls for the both of them.

I do wish that when I do eventually find that guy...who is hopefully over 5'10'', that he makes me wanna bust out and sing, "LOOOOOOOOOOOVE" by keyshia cole, otherwise we'll be back at square one.

What's square one? Let's see...either nasty bros who worship BMX-ing and SRH or guys with fucking dragon tattoos, or guys who think giving you creepy looks is what turns us on, or guys who tend to stilllll wear socks with sandals.

Let's NEVER go back to that place. It's a new year, a new year of opportunities and hopefully new men. Maybe by the end of the year I would have found my very one jesse-brandon-kirk-shia combo.

-jenilla

p.s. i really do hope i find a partner to sing Atlantic Starr's "always" with. I hate always having to be the guy when i sing with another girl. haha