"Jasmine has a penis"

So for the past two days, I've gathered a list of really ridiculously funny quotes that I've said, my friends have said, and some I've heard from T.V.

Seriously, if you had to guess which quotes were mine, and which belonged to my friends or the television set...you'd be very surprised.

To think, these quotes were a collection of two days. Life can be realllllly fucking funny sometimes.

"There's chocolate in there...SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKA!"

"I have a boner for him."
-"So you have a penis, haha Jasmine has a penis, Jasmine has a penis!"

"Show your pubes, babe, show your pubes"

"I'll take a cock ring, one cock ring please"

"...I love porn"

"Stop! I'm gonna throw you away."

"Whoo hoo! I got your businessss!"

"And my dick runs deep, sooo deep, so deep put her ass to sleep"

"So what was up with that guy in the movie, the one that's blue and naked?"

"Let's narrow down the cupcake choices....to 6!"

"This nigga's wearing skinny jeans and a buttplug"

"So far for spring break I ate carne asada fries five times"

"Daniel, you're not white! you're not white! you're not white!"
-"We're gonna have to go on the Maury povich show..."
-"Then he's gonna open the envelope and say, 'We have the results, Daniel..you are NOT WHITE'

"That's what happens when you're high-carne asada fries"

"There were legit asian gangsters at the taco shop, we were sincerely scared, they had rice rockets, so we left."

"STOP TRYING TO TOUCH ME! I'm ticklish."

"Noooooo...I'm not gonna put it in you."

"Time for body rolls"

"This was Andrew's ringtone in 6th grade (ginuwine's "Pony" song)
-"I didn't even have a cell phone in 6th grade"

"Sitting here flossing, peeping yo steelo"

"He's taking too long to make the drinks, you know his ass is back there texting!"

"I wanna learn how to hula, except my skirt is gonna be shorter"

"As long as there's balls in your mouth, you're happy"

"You look like you're having a tourettes attack"

"Remember when Ashley used to pretend to have an epilepsy attack during recess..."
-"That was soooo funny"

"Chinese + white = cat"

"You wanna be Ms.Jupiter's daughter for halloween? That's like saying you want permanent cameltoe"

"She didn't go get a refill...you know she's just drinking it all by herself in the bathrooom."

"This nigga's looking like love"



So those are all of the crazy sayings that I've literally been playing on repeat this whole week. So if you happen to see me in class and I all of a sudden bust out in laughter...you'll know why. It's like sarah tran said...

"SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKA!"

love,
penis-less ( haha jasmine)