Late Night Special

If there's one thing about retail that makes me want to shoot someone in the face, besides idiotic customers who don't know how to lace shoes, it's INVENTORY!

Yes all stores have it, and I'm pretty sure that it gets done all year long and in all hours of the day.

but why the fuck does mine have to be on a monday night from 9:00pm to 1am? Especially on the week that I have 2 essays due...two essays that I have not yet started!?

Freakin' A

Okay well now you know that that is what I mean when I title this blog, LATE NIGHT SPECIAL, no sorry it is not the pornographic sexpedition that it sounds like.

Believe me, i would not be writing that in a public blog.

Anyways so I show up to inventory, not giving a fuck in a big sweater and some jeans and beat up vans shoes, of course. What do you know! one of the laziest coworkers i have is scheduled to work, and now im like FUCK, this is going to last alll fucking night.

For those of you lucky bastards that don't do inventory and don't know what it contains, let me give you a little play by play...

INVENTORY FOR DUMMIES
-you get professional inventory counters to count all the merchandise
-then you re-count all of the merchandise that they counted
-and that tracks what is missing from your store and what you sold in your store, basically it shows how many hoodrats have been stealing from your store and all that jazz.

But here is why it takes forever...

you count everything individually...LACES, SOCKS, A WHOLE LOTTA SHOES...A LOT!

And in a shoe store, there's a lot of fucking little things to count, fucking socks.

But here's what was entertaining during inventory, usually the people who work for inventory (the company) they look like ex criminals OR they look like circus carnies.

Last time during inventory, we had a guy with a babygirl tat on his neck...THUG LIFE!

This time around, all of the inventory people seemed normal, hell they were all pushing 50...except for one pair.

Let me introduce you to these fine people of society...

There was my favorite, the lady who literally sounded like she wanted to stab herself. She would sigh during almost every thing she had to count, and whenever there was a lot to count, she would whisper things like
"Jesus christ!"
"Oh my god!"
"Goddamnit"
"Ughhhhh"
but she would whisper it, which made it ironic...a loud whisper?
Plus I truly did feel bad for her, they had her counting all of the socks and the friggin shoe laces, i had to re-count the shoe laces...THERE WERE 317 IN BACKSTOCK.

Just seeing her complain the whole night was entertaining enough, "I feel you girl, I feel you."

Then there was the youngest girl who was probably around 27, who kept asking for cigarettes...her dialogue exactly
"Garret, you know what I don't have? Cigarettes."

"You know what I want, cigarettes."

"I really want a cigarette"

"We have a 10 min break, I really need a cigarette"

Now personally, I don't smoke cigarettes, but in the case of inventory all night, I would've smoked at least 2 packs.

So the clock was ticking and it hit 1am and I was like, HOLY SHIT! I CAN CLOCK OUT. Then my manager said, JENN CAN YOU STAY UNTIL 1:30. fuck my life, yeah.


I know what you asses are thinking, you're thinking...1:30 am that's nothing! I usually don't sleep till 3 am.
This is what I say to you

fuck you then
I never get any sleep
i work 33 hours this week
have two essays due
a choir performance
17 units
and 1 finger showing
eff you

i enjoy the little bit of sleep that i do get, so if 1:30am is nothing to you, you can suck it cause if it were up to me...I'd be sleeping 9 hrs a night.

So here's the kicker, it's 1:22am on the clock and are only halfway done with counting all the shit in the store...my manager then says I NEED AT LEAST TWO OF YOU GUYS TO STAY ANOTHER HALF HOUR. i plead my case, tell him how out of my 5 coworkers, I HAVE TO GET UP TOMORROW MORNING AND WORK and they dont.

IM FREED
thank you jesus aka josh the manager

so that was my tale of inventory, it's nothing epic or spectacular but i guess i really wanted to showcase that one really funny lady who kept cursing up a storm and using god's name in vain like it was going out of style.

I hope she's there for inventory next year.

peace, love, and fucking inventory

jenn

ohh p.s. my friend got a job at jamba juice and was telling me that her manager does inventory and complaining about how 33 PRETZELS ARE MISSING! if i worked at jamba juice, (again) i wouldnt be stealing pretzels....i'd be stealing the boosts! haha