This is probably the most honest blog that I will ever write. Possibly because my blog is called, JENNTERTAINMENT, not FEELINGS AND SHIT.
You're used to my blogs making you crack at least one smile, or at least I hope.
But lately I guess you can say I'm stuck in A BIG ASS FUCKING RUT.
I don't know if my cup is half full or half empty.
For god's sake, I'm on pandora live radio and the station I'm listening to on repeat harbors all of the songs that women in their late 30s listen to...
give me some adele, corinne bailey rae, some norah jones...and in this case, a white wine spritzer and a fucking blanket by the fire.
Usually spring semester goes by fast, which is a good thing especially since I've been missing that feeling.
I somehow lost that feeling of unconditional butterflies, the feeling of that pit of your stomach getting bigger as the dip of the rollercoaster is getting closer, the feeling of not being able to sleep because you know something really good is gonna occur as soon as the sun comes up like your birthday or an old friend flying in tomorrow morning disappeared.
Somehow in this sunny california weather, I'm in a gray area.
No, it's not all about the fact that I still haven't found mr.right...I found a guy who seems right but now I think he's gay.
On another note I guess you can say that I lost the feeling of excitement. My life pretty much morphed into work and school and the occasional hangout with friends or the occasional frat party.
Surprises used to happen more than they do now, everything is predictable, everything is on schedule, everything has become so mundane.
I do love a lot of aspects of my life, don't get me wrong...but I just need that extra SOMETHING.
What song is playing now? ohhh another depressing one
"another rainy day" by corinne bailey rae...how coincidental.
Spring has sprung but I'm still right where I was just this past winter.
I think I need an emergency vacation somewhere, make that a spontaneous vacation...everyone is entitled to one, my boss will understand.
Then there's people I think of who are perfectly happy with where they are in life today.
My co-worker ...WAIT A MINUTE!
PANDORA.YOU ARE READING MY EFFIN MIND!
THE SONG THAT IS CURRENTLY PLAYING:
"HELP YOURSELF" BY AMY WINEHOUSE
freaking A, amy...you're right.
Let me get back to my story, my coworker is 29, works as an assistant manager at my retail store and lives in a studio apt with his girlfriend AND HE IS CRAZY CONTENT WITH HIS LIFE.
He's probably one of the very few coworkers of mine who is ALWAYS in a good mood at work...he isn't another disgruntled employee who thinks they don't make enough.
I wanna be more like him.
So what's going on in my head right now,
SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT WEEK.
That's my life on rotation right now, I need to switch it up....
whether it means, joining the african student organization who like science, or it means getting yet another haircut, or if it means taking a sabatical from the friends i see everyday.
I mapped out a TO DO list for the rest of this semester, here goes
Fuck, DUFFY IS PLAYING RIGHT NOW...skip!
Okay, now back to my jams...john mayer, he's no chris carraba...but he'll do.
okay, here's the for real TO DO LIST
1. find a new hobby, that's sociable...
2. possibly start playing my old dusty guitar again and writing new songs
3. get my poli sci grade and stats grade back to PARENT'S STANDARDS
4. hang out with new people! (no offense to my usuals, i love you)
5. find a new activity to do every week (maybe i should buy that aerobics tape)
6. fuck! im doing it, buying FLIRTY GIRL FITNESS and trying that shit out!
7. actually working out and going running with kyle like i always say i will
8. positive thinking x100
9. getting past that guy who was my standards of perfect but not for me
10. making dinner for my family more often (but leaving the dishes to my sisters)
11. try and volunteer at my old elementary school
12. wrap my head around my potential major and keep it there
13. go to the beach once a week starting this saturday
14. take a spontaneous road trip twice a month
15. start going to concerts again, havent been since 2 months ago
16. GET OUT OF THIS RUT, RUN FROM IT, AND HOPE TO NEVER FALL INTO IT AGAIN!
so here it was, FEELINGS AND SHIT, what song is playing?
ohhh pandora, i like...
"melt my heart to stone" adele
hey! i wrote a song called, "melt my heart" when i was 17...man you adele, you steal all of my ideas!
Im not even going to bother proofreading this, so if it sounds like a drunk 38 year old then...i guess it is.
But hopefully you can appreciate the fact that i can write a blog that does demonstrate all 348 feelings that are enclosed in me right now.
12:04 am on a thursday, and i got to shower.
last song playing,
"Can't take my eyes off you" lauryn hill
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD SONG TO END ON....
peace,
j :]
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