Dear Koala...

Hello, sorry I haven't posted anything for awhile but I've been busy with finals and formals! fucking formals...good times.

Anyways, I just realized that because school is over, there's no more KOALA! Which means I have to wait next year to submit something, and I've really spent a lot of time thinking about all of the things I would write in the Koala...but I always forget to submit it.

For those of you who think I am only referring to that cute ass marsupial from down under, I am actually referring to the school's underground newspaper that's devoting to talking shit and offending everyone and they mama.

There's actually rumors that the newspaper is run by kids from ucsd, and thats why they are talking shit about sdsu students...but um i dont know anyone from ucsd who is not uptight and frigid....so i dont believe that its from kids there. oops, i totally just talked shit about ucsd kids, whatever...moving on.

So basically, these are some posts that I wish I could've posted in THE KOALA, because let's be honest...offending people inadvertently is sort of second nature to me.

So as I'm listening to "Turn you on" by Kevin Little/lyttle?...here are some things I wish i put in the last edition of this year's Koala...

Dear Hot Spaniard in my choir 1:00pm class,
I wish that i could see what it takes for you to get into your cute skinny jeans and your adorable ass dress shirt....literally, you could dress in front of me (or undress). It's too bad that we had to sit in sectionals all year long, otherwise my alto singing ass would've dropped my voice a couple octaves lower so that I could sit on your lap in the bass and baritone section. Also, if you ever want to ditch your girlfriend...you can call me and we can "sing together" naked.

To all of the assholes in my poli sci mw 11:00 class who sit in the middle in the back section,
SHUT THE FUCK UP, we know that you're fucking retarded already since you all look like you're 25+ and its a prereq for freshmen and sophmores. I know that for you all, it is a very difficult concept to not talk or even whisper in a lecture, but come the fuck on...if i can hear you, and im sitting 5 rows in front of you...it means you should lower your voices or go socialize in the middle of the road..SO I CAN RUN YOUR ASSES OVER. thanks!

To whom it may concern:
DRIVING A BIG ASS GAS GUZZLING TRUCK does not mean you can take up two parking spaces, it may mean that you're compensating for other smaller things in your (pants) life... but learn how to park unless you want "asshole" carved into your side door.

Dear guy who I've had two classes with this year,
Even though I think you're gay and everyone else does too...I still totally think you're cute and that you should just pick a side and stick with it...and by side I mean heterosexuality...and my heterosexuality I mean me, and by me I mean 858-2#4-1234 hahah

ok so those are the only potential Koala posts that I have so far...I have more but -that would require an NC-17 rating and a vulgarity pre-warning SO INSTEAD I'LL SAVE THEM FOR NEXT YEAR'S KOALAS.

peace, love, and furry marsupials from down under,
jp

Repeat Offender

I recently became totally discouraged by one motherfucker at forever 21 who instantly recognized me...and sort of insulted me. haha

So here's the scene...

I step into forever 21 on my lunch break because it never takes me 1 hour to eat and because it's the only store at the mall that I actually like...urban and am.apparel are walking distance, but I don't feel like actually walking all the way there and back.

...and one out of the 45 gentlemen who now work there said,

"MAN, YOU'RE LIKE HERE EVERYDAY" one of the forever 21 guys recognized me. FML

So it's been two days since that incident, and I've been 2 days sober for going into forever 21. thank goodness, that place may be cheap but it burns a hole through my wallet.

Whatever

Next repeated offense...

My older sister who I sort of look like, went into AMERICAN APPAREL at fashion valley mall and made a purchase...

The sales girl asked to see her id for her credit card purchase, and then said, I quote...

"Are you related to jennifer?"

I don't even know the bitch! but i shop there enough for her to check my id enough times. FML

So that makes 2, let's see where to next?

I know, let's go back to the mall I work at...where the STARBUCKS KNOWS MY EXACT DRINK, I pretty much know each person who works at that starbucks now, and they even give me free drinks once in awhile...i guess it's okay to be known by them.

So last place, where I am totally a repeat offender..

First off, I blame it all on my best friend linh who introduced me to the place!

URBANE CAFE, the best sandwich shop known to man! I go there mostly thursdays because they have my favorite soup on that day only: tomato bisque with their southwest chicken sandwich would be my last supper if I was going to jail.

How do they know me?
When I come in to pick up my order, the same lady hands it to me without even asking what I ordered or whose name it's under. Linh, I blame it on you.

So what did i learn from all of this? Maybe I really should go other places, and NOT BE SO USED TO A ROUTINE.

It's a good thing, life isn't like the game monopoly...otherwise, MY ASS WOULD BE SENT STRAIGHT TO JAIL!



fuck, i always lose that game. damn it. haha

peace, love, and peace and love, and peace and love...and NO MORE REPEATS! (sometimes)
-j

"You keep me up at night..."

Oh soy chai latte from starbucks, you are the only thing that keeps me up at night during finals week(s)...and i love you for that.

Sorry linh, jo'ann, daniel, tim, lil sis kathy, jay, and rho class (+others I love)...but when I'm studying, the only thing i want next to me keeping me warm is in a nice paper cup...it doesn't have to be a white paper cup, i don't discriminate.

this will be the only thing im chugging, until may 22nd :(


peace, love, and Caffeine (gallons of it)
-j

Onlinebootycall?. com

So pretty much, this is what I think whenever I hear a ROBIN THICKE song...

"I WANT TO FUCK ROBIN THICKE'S VOICE"

There's something that is just so hot about a guy having a really hot voice. That sounded dumb, but you know what I mean...

Granted, Robin Thicke is not visually my type BUT DAMN IS HIS VOICE SEXY! I mean, he could probably work as a phone sex operator or onlinebooty calls...have you ever seen that commercial? It's pretty stupid, but like funny stupid.

Cutting his hair was the best thing he ever did...next to picking up a microphone.



Look at rob and rhi rhi, so cute.

He had me at "hello"

Then it got me thinking of people and their voices...and it made me think of
my guy friends who have hot voices...


a few guys I know could totally work as phone sex operators, but I don't know if they are can really speak as erotically as phone sex operators speak...NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW, I MEAN I DON'T EVER DIAL 1-800-HOT-BOYS hahah

It's awesome when you find a big huge guy and then he ends up having a little kid voice, but when a tiny guy has a sexy voice...then it's like damn you helllla found like a new scientific discovery.

So sorry for the sort blog, but I guess my point is...I don't really know that many guys who have voices that make me melt...

except for this motherfucker right here
...oh jesus, my boo is even playing my future fucking wedding song.
"let's stay together" al green (fuck! i guess it works since im gonna become mrs. thicke...)



peace, love, and EARgasms
-j