Dear Koala...

Hello, sorry I haven't posted anything for awhile but I've been busy with finals and formals! fucking formals...good times.

Anyways, I just realized that because school is over, there's no more KOALA! Which means I have to wait next year to submit something, and I've really spent a lot of time thinking about all of the things I would write in the Koala...but I always forget to submit it.

For those of you who think I am only referring to that cute ass marsupial from down under, I am actually referring to the school's underground newspaper that's devoting to talking shit and offending everyone and they mama.

There's actually rumors that the newspaper is run by kids from ucsd, and thats why they are talking shit about sdsu students...but um i dont know anyone from ucsd who is not uptight and frigid....so i dont believe that its from kids there. oops, i totally just talked shit about ucsd kids, whatever...moving on.

So basically, these are some posts that I wish I could've posted in THE KOALA, because let's be honest...offending people inadvertently is sort of second nature to me.

So as I'm listening to "Turn you on" by Kevin Little/lyttle?...here are some things I wish i put in the last edition of this year's Koala...

Dear Hot Spaniard in my choir 1:00pm class,
I wish that i could see what it takes for you to get into your cute skinny jeans and your adorable ass dress shirt....literally, you could dress in front of me (or undress). It's too bad that we had to sit in sectionals all year long, otherwise my alto singing ass would've dropped my voice a couple octaves lower so that I could sit on your lap in the bass and baritone section. Also, if you ever want to ditch your girlfriend...you can call me and we can "sing together" naked.

To all of the assholes in my poli sci mw 11:00 class who sit in the middle in the back section,
SHUT THE FUCK UP, we know that you're fucking retarded already since you all look like you're 25+ and its a prereq for freshmen and sophmores. I know that for you all, it is a very difficult concept to not talk or even whisper in a lecture, but come the fuck on...if i can hear you, and im sitting 5 rows in front of you...it means you should lower your voices or go socialize in the middle of the road..SO I CAN RUN YOUR ASSES OVER. thanks!

To whom it may concern:
DRIVING A BIG ASS GAS GUZZLING TRUCK does not mean you can take up two parking spaces, it may mean that you're compensating for other smaller things in your (pants) life... but learn how to park unless you want "asshole" carved into your side door.

Dear guy who I've had two classes with this year,
Even though I think you're gay and everyone else does too...I still totally think you're cute and that you should just pick a side and stick with it...and by side I mean heterosexuality...and my heterosexuality I mean me, and by me I mean 858-2#4-1234 hahah

ok so those are the only potential Koala posts that I have so far...I have more but -that would require an NC-17 rating and a vulgarity pre-warning SO INSTEAD I'LL SAVE THEM FOR NEXT YEAR'S KOALAS.

peace, love, and furry marsupials from down under,
jp